Sister, Keep Serving Them

Artwork by Loré Pemberton

I was still in college when I lost my first friend. 

No, she didn’t die, but she may as well have. She got married. 

As a young woman, all but one or two of my friends are married, but nothing compares to that first loss. 

I was attending college three hours away from where she lived. She was the kind of friend I would set aside all morning to talk on the phone. It was the sweetest kind of friendship.

Then she began dating her now husband. 

In the beginning, not much changed. She called to tell me about the guy and how her brother had set them up. We rejoiced together, giggling and dreaming about what the future would hold. She pretended to be level-headed, but we both knew. 

Then, slowly, I began to lose her. It started with long lapses where I wouldn’t hear anything from her. My calls and texts went unanswered for weeks, only to get a short message about how she would get back to me soon.

Usually, she forgot.

I tried to be understanding. I tried to give grace. I told myself I would be no different if I ever started dating, but the pain was unbearable. 

At her wedding, I hugged her and told her how happy I was for her, but the sight of her was a painful reminder of the friendship I felt I no longer had. 

After her wedding, I still made efforts to maintain the friendship. I sent short messages here and there as she crossed my mind. I no longer asked for her to sacrifice time to talk on the phone, but even still, she eventually stopped responding to any message I sent her. Finally, I stopped trying. 

After all these years, the loss still hurts.  

Unless you were the first of your friends to transition from singleness to marriage, it is safe to assume you have gone through similar experiences. And if you are a single woman who watched many of her friends get married, I imagine this pain is all too familiar. 

Watching your friends become wives and mothers can feel like mourning a death. While your experience might not be exactly the same as mine, even something as simple as your friend not initiating time together as they did before has the potential to feel like rejection--like they wouldn’t notice if you just stopped putting in the effort.  

I am very thankful for the many friendships in my life that survived marriage and motherhood. The women I consider my best friends today have at least one kid. How can that be? I kept serving them even when they couldn’t serve me back, especially when they couldn’t.

And so to all the single women who feel neglected and unloved by their once best friends, who long to feel valued and cherished, who think they deserve better treatment, my charge is simple:

Sister, keep serving them.  

*For the integrity of this post, it is worth mentioning that I am going on three months of marriage. However, I began writing this before my husband and I were engaged, and the idea of this post was in my head long before we began dating. It would be easy for single women reading this to discount what I am saying as a self-gratifying attempt to be served. This post was written as much for me during the 26 years I spent as a single woman as for anyone else. These lessons have been hard won, and I believe they still have value, regardless of what season of life I am in.*

Sister, I’m So Sorry

Everyone stood as she began her graceful descent down the aisle. The late September air whipped at her strawberry blond hair that hung loosely down her back and framed her joy-blushed face. Her ivory dress, adorned with mesmerizing lace and perfectly placed jewels, hugged her full figure in a way that looked as if it had been custom-made. 

Every praise-filled eye followed her, but her eyes never wavered from his. 

He seemed to stand a whole foot taller that day in the best suit he had ever worn. His cheeks deepened shades of red that traveled up to his eyes like watercolor. His eyes brimmed with tears.

Her father kissed her on the cheek as he let go of her hand and watched as she clasped hands with the man waiting for her. They stood on the dock surrounded by a lake, a perfect mirror of the sky blazing red and orange. 

The sun began to dip down past the horizon as the pastor spoke. Tears streamed down their cheeks as they smiled, nodded, and finally kissed. 

On the furthest bench to the right, a single woman sat alone, watching her best friend transform into a wife as magically as Cinderella the night of the ball. But their friendship didn’t have a fairy tale ending; that was the last time she saw her. 

Our friendship was in danger long before she said, “I do.” But from where I sat on the furthest bench to the right, I knew her wedding day symbolized the final slam of the gavel. 

She was the one who stopped responding to my calls and texts early into their dating relationship. She was the one who seemed to forget about years of friendship in a matter of months. She was the one who appeared to put the total weight of maintaining our friendship on my shoulders, never lifting a finger. The gavel was in my hands. I declared her guilty. I declared our friendship, whatever fragment of it was left, finished.  

Sister, can you relate? Have you known the brokenness of relationships that springs out of the bitterness that swells in our hearts? 

If we are honest with ourselves, most of us sat at the judge’s bench with our gavel in hand. We’ve taken note of all the evidence and carefully calculated grievances that we’ve been collecting: She didn’t call you on your birthday. She didn’t respond to your text for two weeks. She turned down your last two invitations to go out. She doesn’t initiate spending time together anymore.

And then, with a heart of moral superiority and self-righteousness, telling ourselves we would never behave the same if our situation were the same, we slam the gavel: Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. And then, long after we’ve declared the verdict and sentenced the friendship to death row, we console ourselves in moments of doubt that people are not worthy of our friendship unless they meet our standards and expectations. But, tell me, sister, is that biblical? 

1 Peter 4 tells us to “maintain constant love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and power forever and ever. Amen” (1 Peter 4:8-11).    

Simon Peter tells us to maintain constant love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins. 

Let’s unpack this. 

I find the use of the word “maintain” incredibly profound. The definition of the word “maintain” is: “to keep in an existing state (as of repair, efficiency, or validity): preserve from failure or decline: to sustain against opposition or danger: uphold and defend” (Merriam-Webster).   

How do we preserve love from failure and decline? Continuing to give love even when we feel we aren’t getting love back. How do we sustain love by defending it from outside attacks? By not allowing our married friend’s busy schedules and limited energy to keep us from continuing to love them.  

When we decide to love our sisters in Christ when they don’t meet our expectations or reach our standards, we have the power to cover in love the multitude of sins against us. She didn’t call you on your birthday—covered in love. She didn’t respond to your text for two weeks—covered in love. She turned down your last two invitations to go out—covered in love. She doesn’t initiate spending time together anymore—covered in love. 

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can quickly cover offenses in love, offering forgiveness and grace. 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love does not keep a record of wrongs. This means we have two choices when we feel we have been wronged. If we believe the offense is minor enough to be covered in love and forgiven, we can forgive and let it go without ever bringing it up. However, if there is a pattern of hurts and significant offenses that we know we can not move on from, we must bring them to the offender, offer forgiveness, and cover the offense in love. Pretending we have forgiven and extended love while storing bitterness and resentment leads only to death. 

I still remember the summer the Holy Spirit revealed the slow death I was putting myself through by holding onto bitterness. 

I was home from college, living in one of the small spare rooms downstairs. Working two jobs meant no time to organize, and I had been living out of suitcases for months. Three suitcases lined the wall, flooded with wrinkled clothes, mismatched socks, and my dirty Cracker Barrel uniforms I had thrown back inside, too lazy to put in the hamper. 

My floor was no better, littered with stacks of books, lonely pairs of shoes, and sand that followed me from the horse ranch I worked at in the mornings. My bed was serving as storage for the giant heap of clothes I had washed and not yet mustered up enough motivation to fold, which meant I was reading my Bible on the floor. 

Tears streamed down my face, and it felt like someone had my heart in an iron clench. The Holy Spirit had just opened my eyes, revealing that I had been holding onto bitterness and resentment toward someone who hurt me for years. I saw with perfect clarity how it was slowly killing me and robbing me of my joy.

I remembered every mean comment and hurtful action whenever I was around them. I couldn’t be around them for more than an hour before my heart started pounding with fresh anger. I was withholding forgiveness, miserably waiting for someone to tell me how they treated me was unfair. I wanted someone to declare them guilty. I only felt I could forgive and move on after someone had validated my wounds. But the validation I longed for never came, and I was slowly killing myself and bringing death into my relationship with them. 

We do not need anyone to validate our wounds to find healing and restoration in our relationships. We do not need an apology to cover offenses in love. All of that said, I know by writing something addressing single women, I am addressing a group of women who have been overlooked, unseen, disrespected and misunderstood.

And if you are like I was, white-knuckling all the ways you have been wronged and hurt, desperately waiting for someone to tell you that they are the guilty ones, if you find yourself filled with bitterness, dying a slow death, and watching relationships crumble under the weight of unmet expectations, please hear me say this:

Sister, I am so sorry. 

I don’t want us to walk any further until we have taken the time to address our wounds, and I say this for two reasons. First, we can not demonstrate the radical love I am discussing if we store bitterness and resentment toward those who have hurt us. Second, we cannot give ourselves in reckless and selfless service to others if we are pulling from a dry and empty well. 

My unaddressed wounds left me broken, empty, and lifeless. They left me guarded and defensive, unable to look past my own wounded heart and unable to love. 

The only way we will effectively serve our friends is if we can love them. I am not offering a way of burying wounds under layers of service and good works because even our most significant and selfless acts of service are meaningless if they don’t come from a place of love.

“And if I give away all my possessions, and if I give over my body to be burned, but do not have love, I gain nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:3). 

Marriage and motherhood aren’t excuses to neglect friendships; you know that as well as I do, but my purpose here is not to lecture married women. My purpose here is to specifically encourage and seek healing for single women. While knowing those who hurt you weren’t justified in their actions might be a step toward healing, it doesn’t bring ultimate healing.

Ending our journey toward healing with the condemnation of those who have hurt us doesn’t bring true healing and restoration; it brings bitterness and brokenness. We have to go further. We have to go deeper. We must root out any seed of bitterness in our hearts, starting with addressing our wounds. 

“Let all bitterness, anger, and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32). 

Letting go of the bitterness in my heart toward the person who hurt me required me to forgive them without ever hearing the apology I thought I needed. It required me to extend kindness and compassion toward them. And that is precisely what you and I need to do if we ever hope to love our sisters in Christ. 

Your healing is long overdue, and we can’t wait any longer. 

Right now, pull out a blank piece of paper. Write down every single way you feel like your friends, your family members, and your church have hurt you. Write down as many specific details as you can remember: 

When my three best friends started a Bible study just for wives. They became very close and eventually stopped including me or inviting me to things. 

When members of my church treat me with less respect than my married friends. 

When my married friend made a comment that made me feel like she thought she was better than me. 

When my feelings and thoughts as a single woman are treated as trivial.

It is essential to write down as much as you can remember. Don’t hold anything back. Whatever comment or event, however small or insignificant it seems, if it stirs up hurt in your heart, write it down. 

This might take some time, so please don’t rush this process. Ask God to help you remember. If you are brought to grief, accept the emotions. You are stirring up deep wounds, and grieving them is part of the healing process. 

Finally, once you have written as much as possible, we will take our wounded hearts to the perfect healer. Pray this prayer with me:

Heavenly Father, you know every single one of these hurts and wounds. I know you mourn with me when I mourn. I know you feel the weight of my broken heart. I know it pains you when I am mistreated, when I am overlooked, and when I mourn the losses of my friends. You are the perfect healer and the great mender of hearts and lives. Right now, I pray that you will heal my heart from these wounds. Allow me, for the first time, to open my hands and let go of these hurts. I pray that you would allow me to forgive those who have hurt me, and I pray that you would give me the strength to keep forgiving each time I remember the hurts. Please keep bitterness far from my heart. Guard me against it. Show me how I have hurt others by responding sinfully to their actions. Give me the courage to repent and turn from my sins. Give me the courage to seek forgiveness from those I have hurt, regardless of how much time has passed. Give me the courage to have an open dialogue with those who have hurt me and allow there to be restoration in my friendships. Allow me to see my friends the way you see them. Allow me to love them the way you love them. Amen.  

Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in your prayer. You do not need to follow mine word-for-word. He will reveal to you the words you need to say. And now that we are on the road toward healing. We can begin the hard work. Let’s get started.

Sister, You Have A Gift

Goosebumps covered my body as her voice, sweet and pure like layers of honey and maple syrup, covered the red-carpeted auditorium. Early morning light played through the stained-glass window, illuminating the dust that danced like white-robed angels above our heads.

I couldn’t will myself to raise my voice to join the hundreds of believers around me as they closed their eyes and lifted their hands in worship. All I could do was stare at her. She sang as if entirely alone, seemingly unaware of the high schooler playing the drums, the father of six playing the bass, the college student on the keyboard, and the long-haired worship leader on the guitar.

She wasn’t someone you would notice in a shopping mall or at the grocery store. She was average-looking enough with unstyled shoulder-length brown hair and simple-looking clothing that no woman would envy. Despite all of this, there was something about her voice that made her absolutely captivating. It wasn’t strictly talent or her ability to hit all the right notes. She’d probably never win if she tried out for American Idol, and she couldn’t hold a candle to the most famous singers today.

No, it wasn’t just her voice. There was something intangibly supernatural, deeply spiritual at play. Her voice sounded like the Holy Spirit, drawing me to deeper and deeper worship. There was no doubt in my mind; her voice was a gift from God. 

Let’s give 1 Peter 4 another glance. 

“Above all, maintain constant love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and power forever and ever. Amen” (1 Peter 4:8-11). 

Simon Peter tells us that just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others as good stewards of the varied grace of God. 

Each one of us has received a gift! And as good stewards of those gifts, we should use them to serve others and bring glory to God. Isn’t that beautiful? 

Now, if you are anything like me, you’re probably thinking: “Well, yeah, sure, if I had the gift of singing, you bet I would use it to serve others. I would be on the stage every Sunday morning. But how can I serve others when I don’t have a gift like that? Also, are you sure each one has received a gift? I am pretty sure I am the exception to that.” 

Yes, I am sure you have a gift. In fact, there is one gift I know with absolute certainty you have. 

“Now, in response to the matters you wrote about: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband. A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7:1-7). 

Paul tells us that he wishes that all people were as he is. What does he mean? Paul was famously unmarried for the whole of his ministry on Earth. Paul continues in verse 8: “I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them to remain as I am. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). 

Paul tells us that he wishes all people were single, yet he understands that each has his own gift from God. Paul tells us that while he would love for everyone to be single, he knows not everyone has that gift. 

So, if you are a single woman reading this, for as long as you remain single, you have the gift of singleness. If you are a married woman reading this, you have the gift of marriage. 

I have known many women who have gotten tripped up on this principle. Horror-stricken and wide-eyed, they wonder if they have been plagued with the infamous gift of singleness as if it is a life sentence of loneliness. 

Having the gift of singleness right now does not mean you will have the gift of singleness forever. In fact, most women will only have the gift of singleness for a time, which means this particular gift should be cherished and stewarded well while we have it, knowing our time will likely be short. 

Most women will only have the gift of singleness for a time because, statistically speaking, most women will marry. However, this by no means proves that God promises marriage to any of us. Marriage is a gift from God just as singleness is, and God gives gifts to whom he chooses by his varied grace. 

So whatever your gift is, singleness or marriage, what are we to do with them? Let’s take another look at 1 Peter 4. 

“Above all, maintain constant love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything. To him be the glory and power forever and ever. Amen” (1 Peter 4:8-11). 

Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others. 

Your gift of singleness is stewarded best when you use it in love-filled service to others, in ways unique to your specific gift, in ways you could not do if you were married. 

How silly would it be if that woman with her captivating voice spent her Sunday mornings serving in the sound booth? What a waste of a God-given gift, you would think. And you would be absolutely right, but why do we, as single women serve in generic ways rather than seeking out service opportunities that only a single woman could fulfill?

Are you a good steward of your God-given gift of singleness, or are you serving in the sound booth when you have a voice that deserves to be on stage?

________________

Rubber bands flew across the green ping-pong board as twenty teenagers aimed and fired at each other. 

“Oi! Não se batam na cara! (Hey! Don’t hit each other in the face!)” I yelled over the music and squeals of laughter. 

It was a Saturday night youth group meeting. The church was empty save for us in the youth room upstairs. The entire back wall had been covered with chalkboard paint, and the teens had spent hours filling every clean spot they could find with drawings, bible verses, quotes, and Instagram handles.

The remaining walls were painted in alternating patterns of yellow and blue that gave the room a young and energetic mood. The room was small, made even smaller by the two heavy wooden yellow couches from the 70s and the green ping-pong table. A large wooden cabinet was shoved full of games we pulled out almost weekly. The group favorite was always Uno. The room was set up when the church was built years ago in hopes of having a youth group someday, but there had never been any teens to fill it--until now. 

I arrived in Brazil the previous year, 23 years old, and a green sapling of a missionary full of passion and idealistic dreams. I had agreed to join the existing team there for two years to start an English teaching ministry, but six months in, I saw a huge need for someone to create a youth group in the church.

The need for a youth group was there—only a couple of teens were attending the church, and the rest had stopped coming long before. The desire was there—a mother of one of the teens had been begging the missionary pastor for years to create something for her son, who was entering high school. So why hadn’t it happened? 

Nobody had time. The only two missionary pastors and their wives were already stretched thin between caring for their kids and the other ministries within the church. Among the church members, most were mothers and fathers of young children whose demands at home and work kept them so busy it was just short of a miracle when they could make it to church on Sundays. 

And then I show up: young, energetic, and, most importantly, single. My time wasn’t filled with caring for and serving a husband. I had no children to care for, cook for, clean up after, or run around town. My time was wide open, and I was eager to fill it up. I was the perfect candidate.

Within months, we had gotten a leadership team together, made a name, and started on a Bible study curriculum plan. By the time I left the field at the end of the two years, the youth group was entirely self-sustaining, with a healthy and growing core group of teenagers and a handful of committed leaders passionate about continuing the ministry. 

Could I have been able to tackle the youth group head-on if I was married with young children? Maybe, but probably not. The solution to the youth group required someone with a specific gift—singleness. 

Serving as a missionary isn’t the only way to steward your singleness well. In fact, stewarding your singleness well doesn’t even require you to leave your hometown. Do you have friends who are married? Do you have friends who have children? My guess is that you probably do, and my guess is that those relationships are somewhat strained. 

Your singleness will be your superpower in your relationships with your friends who are wives and mothers. You can serve them with your singleness in a way that other wives and mothers can’t. 

When my friends all began to get married and have children around the same time, I became insecure, feeling that there would no longer be any room for me. What do I have to offer them? I wondered. I noticed myself pulling away, feeling they would rather spend time with other wives and mothers who could relate. I couldn’t relate to them, so I told myself I had nothing to offer them. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and I still remember when I met the friend who proved it to me. 

“Julia” was a young mother who had just started attending our church. The first time I saw her, I knew I wanted to be her friend. She was tall and beautiful. She wore a long dress and effortlessly cradled her baby on her hip. Her husband, even taller, stood beside her in a sharp suit. She was warm and inviting, her smile taking over her entire face. My group of friends and I went over to introduce ourselves, but my confidence quickly fizzled as I watched my friends, newly married and expecting children of their own, bond with Julia over motherhood. I was nowhere near motherhood, not even in a serious dating relationship. Why would Julia want to be friends with someone like me? 

Julia and her small family were living a ways from town, and it became clear from hearing her talk that they lacked community where they were living, which is what motivated them to try out this new church so far from their home. Julia laughed and made jokes about spending all day with just her and her baby, but something about it pierced my heart: Julia needs a friend. Before I went home that day, I handed Julia a piece of paper with my number and my address. I told her I had a weekly Bible study at my house, and she was welcome anytime.

The following week, Julia showed up at my house carrying her baby with a grin that lit up the whole room. Her laugh was infectious, and she almost instantly seemed to be at home with the group of women. Our friendship blossomed over those next few months, and soon, I was at her house once a week, spending time with her and her child while her husband was at work.

Those were beautiful mornings. I’d wash the dishes while she cooked, play with her baby while she folded laundry, and talk for hours about anything and everything. I never asked her to hang out with me in a way that would require her to find a babysitter. It never even crossed my mind to expect that. I entered her world and began serving her in a way only a single woman could. 

Julia isn’t perfect. She doesn’t respond to my texts for weeks sometimes. Most of our phone conversations are while she is in her car on her way somewhere. Generally, I am initiating our time together, which usually looks like me entering into her world that now consists of three kids. It could be easy for me to become hurt by her lack of initiation. I could become bitter that she doesn’t enter my world more often. But I understand her priority right now is her family, which doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about me or our friendship. What she needs is someone who can be a friend and offer grace for the stage of life she is in. 

You cannot underestimate the amount of love you can communicate to your friends. You cannot underestimate how thankful you will be when, rather than having a laundry list of severed relationships and burned bridges, you have a thriving community of friends who will never forget the selfless love you showed them in the most challenging years of their lives.  

Sister, you have a gift. Don’t waste it.

Sister, Don’t Live In A Bubble

One of the greatest disservices we can do for ourselves, whether single, newly married, married with young children, or empty nesters, is to isolate ourselves in a bubble with people in the same life stage as us. 

I see this happen all the time in churches. Small groups might as well be called “season of life” groups. I’ve fallen for the lie that the best community is found with those dealing with the same struggles and questions about life. Years ago, I even started a ministry for young professionals, believing we needed to band together to support each other. And in a way, we did, but not in the way I thought. 

There is nothing wrong with having a community with other singles, other young moms, or other empty nesters trying to find meaning in their new season of life. There is often great value in realizing you aren’t the only one experiencing something. Traveling partners make the journey less lonely. 

But we often stop there, failing to realize we also need community with those in different seasons of life. 

“But you are to proclaim things consistent with sound teaching. Older men are to be self-controlled, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love and endurance. In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self controlled, pure workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered. In the same way, encourage the young men to be self-controlled in everything. Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching” (Titus 2:1-7). 

We are rarely challenged by those who are going through the same struggles. We all want to be validated in our hurts. Someone experiencing the same hurt isn’t going to offer you the same challenging and often stinging advice as someone already on the other side of that particular issue. Yes, they may trivialize the hurt because they are so far past it, but they will have a less biased view of truth than someone who also wants to feel validated in their hurt and potentially sinful behavior. 

Imagine two newly married women speaking in a way that dishonors their husbands. They enjoy the gossip and avenue to air their grievances, all in the name of “getting advice.” 

“He’s such a slob; he always leaves his underwear on the floor.” 

“You think your husband is bad? Mine is such a slob he’ll wear the same clothes for weeks. They would never get clean if I didn’t sneak them into the wash while he wasn’t looking.” 

A wise empty nester would see such talk as the sinful behavior that it is and lovingly correct the young wives and teach them how to speak honestly about issues while not neglecting to honor their husbands. 

Or imagine a lonely single woman who just wants to feel pursued and wanted and resorts to dating apps and one-night stands to feel valued. Another woman dealing with the same longings and burdens may not condemn the sinful behavior because she is doing the same thing and wants to believe that her loneliness justifies the behavior. 

However, a married woman could see from a mile away that such behavior further prolongs the loneliness and makes the potential pursuit of a God-fearing man less likely. She could encourage the lonely woman to patiently wait and not give in to the temptation of quick fixes and empty gratifications. 

We all fundamentally know this truth, but unless we are feeling remarkably humble that day, we don’t respond well to correction and rebuke, which makes sense why we often gravitate toward communities that don’t challenge us outside our comfort zone. 

I think we would find far fewer depressed and lonely stricken single people, far fewer isolated and burdened new moms, and far fewer dejected and purposeless empty nesters if the body of Christ functioned how it should. 

We all need each other because each season of life causes a different attribute of Christ to be made more evident. And by being around others who display unique attributes of Christ, we are constantly challenged and sanctified. 

Single women display an undistracted devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). They read their Bibles for hours, journal page after page of prayers, listen to multiple podcasts throughout the day and serve in numerous ministry roles. These women always have something new to say about what they are learning, discovering, or being challenged by. This passion for the Lord is essential for women in busier seasons to witness because it will convict them to pursue the Lord and remember their first love.

Wives and mothers of young children display a tireless servant’s heart (Phillippians 2:3-5). They often go days without sleep to care for a colicky baby, wake before the sun comes up to prepare breakfast for their family, and constantly sacrifice personal space and alone time for the sake of their children and husband. This consistent show of selflessness is vital for single women to observe because it will call them out on their unchecked selfishness and challenge them to be more sacrificial in engaging with others. 

Empty nesters display wisdom, discernment, and humility (James 3:13). They learned a long time ago that they don’t have all the answers but daily seek the one who does. Single women, wives, and mothers need empty nesters' wisdom. It is equally beneficial for empty nesters to have these women in their lives to remind them that they still have a purpose even though their children no longer need them as they once did. 

They need you, sister, and you need them. Don’t stay in your bubble. 

Sister, Remember This 

Your singleness is a powerful gift--use it to serve those around you. 

"Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up" (Galatians 6:9).